Growing Up Poor

I was poor. I wouldn’t recommend trying to be poor, but it wasn’t all bad.

My examples were month-to-(almost)-month paycheck living, food boxes, hitch hiking, compromises, cheap thrills and dulled consciences. As most kids do, we learn by example and follow suit. My family was deeply scarred by abuse. I was raised by a single mom (she was married for a while) in rural southern Oregon. I became a teen parent, high school dropout, then a single mom and survivor of abuse myself, etc.

In contrast, I have a friend, Jenna. She moved from southern California. Her parents owned a business. They traveled regularly to Europe where the mother was from. They skied (because they could afford the equipment and had 4-wheel drive). Jenna spent her summers adventuring, meeting people that inspired her and who gave her opportunities. Jenna worked for her parents in the office after school and saved money. They saved and invested in her. Shockingly, she dropped out the same year I did, but we took very different routes. We were both smart enough to know that the education we were getting was not worth getting out of bed for, but I used that as an excuse and Jenna took it as an opportunity. She and her parents rejected the ordinary and invested in the extraordinary. They drove her nearly an hour each way to a private microschool (before “microschool” was a term) and she finished her high school education in a single school year. My mom worked hard to provide for me, but I was left to my own devices with no one there to guide me. Jenna was enrolled in a university at 17. I had a toddler. We've remained friends and I have always been inspired by her journey and her parents' way of investing in her.

My mom definitely passed down a poverty mentality, but it wasn't all bad. She is a problem solver. Many people in my mother’s shoes would fall into addiction to cope with her abuse and pain, but she was different. She was the queen of making lemonade out of lemons.

Lemonade making alongside my mother gave me tenacity and developed problem-solving skills that today, are my most valuable assets. At first, my skills were misguided. Perhaps I shouldn’t share all of the details... But, when I was done choosing terrible men, I eventually got myself a job in a shelter putting my personal victories to work helping victims of domestic violence. I had a second child as a single mom but found my way to working at a pregnancy center where I was able to help other single moms to access resources and give them hope when facing unexpected pregnancies. During that season of my life, I started telling my story and ended up with the opportunity to write a supplemental sexual health program to help students think through the way they made decisions about sex and relationships. Just last year, I was invited to write another program, this time a self-guided online program for high school students on the same topic.

Southern Oregon is a small-world kind of place. I can count on two hands the number of non-Caucasian kids I grew up with. I can count on one hand the number of non-Caucasian adults I ever spoke to growing up. My first travel out of state being dragged to another small town in Utah to follow my mother’s unworthy boyfriend. It didn’t go well.

I had the adolescent dream of someday backpacking Europe. Even with a baby at age 17, I wanted it, but it wasn’t until the summer she turned 17 that I went for the first time. You see, I did create a better life for my children than I had. It was a step in the right direction. I cleaned her dance studio to pay for her tuition and she was invited to tour Austria with her dance team. I designed a fundraiser: I went around town and asked business owners to contribute valuable coupons to a book that the dancers and their families could sell to help pay for the trip. I did every side job I could find to save money so that I could join her. While I couldn’t pay the hefty price tag to join for her trip, I flew over there to meet her at the end of her experience and we backpacked for three weeks in three countries. For the ten years since then, I have dived deep into researching the opportunities for world travel, service learning and immersive cultural education and believe with all of my heart that experiencing these things as a young person would have set me on a very different path. I have peeked into the world of immersive learning experiences, educational travel, service work, and now have a burning desire to break the generational poverty mentality and show the kids in my community that their world extends beyond southern Oregon and the examples they have around them.

On my wall, I have a sign that says, “Be the person you want your children to be.” I try to live that out as best I can. While I can’t say that I can set the example for all things I want them to be, I am proud to call my kids lemonade-makers, dreamers, helpers, and creative strategists. I pray that my endeavors with Options for Education illuminate paths for my children that will bring them much further than I can help them find on my own.

Thank you to all who have been an inspiration so far.